My Cat Owns the Couch: Funny Pet Song

I came home with a paper, set it down on the couch

Biscuit claimed the middle and he won't be moving out

One paw on the cushion, one eye half asleep

I asked him for a little room; he looked at me like, “Keep.”

Biscuit’s got the couch, Biscuit’s got the bed

Biscuit’s got the best chair and a pillow for his head

I pay the bills, I buy the food, I even brush his coat

But I’m standing by the doorway while he’s king of every spot

At bedtime there’s a whisker where my nose ought to be

He’s stretched across the mattress like a county over me

I scoot him to the left side; he drifts back to the right

By morning I’m a question mark, he’s sleeping through the light

Biscuit’s got the couch, Biscuit’s got the bed

Biscuit’s got the best chair and a pillow for his head

I pay the bills, I buy the food, I even brush his coat

But I’m standing by the doorway while he’s king of every spot

That chair belonged to Grandpa, it’s got a worn-out seam

Biscuit took it Tuesday and now it’s part of his regime

I could pick him up and move him—sure, I know the drill

Then he purrs against my elbow, and I forget my will

Biscuit’s got the couch, Biscuit’s got the bed

Biscuit’s got the best chair and a pillow for his head

I pay the bills, I buy the food, I even brush his coat

And I wouldn’t trade my landlord, though he never pays a note

There’s room for me on the floor, if I don’t disturb the king.